The Power of Choice Retreat Experience

By Joel Kampf

As I drove up to the ranch outside of Bozeman, Montana, my thoughts swirled like the boiling dust trail churning in my wake. Thoughts of my family, ten ongoing projects, chores needing my attention...the same old, same old that fills just about every day.

A carpet of golden hay stubble on both sides of the county road continued until crashing into the green, not so distant mountains. I thought about summer fading to fall, and the winter ahead. I pretty much thought about anything...except me.

Heading for the Leadership Outfitters retreat, I was no stranger to the world of self-help seminars, books, and classes. But it had been a while. From previous experience, I new one thing for sure...that I if this retreat were to help me improve as a person and professionally, I'd have to take a real close look in the mirror without flinching or turning away. I wouldn't learn anything if I didn't look openly at my blemishes and imperfections in an attempt to see past them. If you want to improve any aspect of your life, you have to start with your core self.

The farmhouse, outbuildings, grain silos and well established trees took me back to a simpler time...a feeling that would grow on me each day I spent there. Horses grazed on a hilltop framed in a false horizon, adding to the serene scene awaiting me. As my car pulled in, the two farm dogs wagged there way over to welcome me home as if my arrival were an everyday occurrence. Before I even clicked out of my seat belt a little of the responsibility that weighs us all down, lifted away in the breeze.

Here I was, a one-man show, an entrepreneur...just me, at a corporate retreat, trying to improve my skills as a leader and businessman. I hoped to have something in common with my "classmates", knowing that they came from one of the larger corporations in the country. Little did I know then, that we all needed the same thing.

Not everyone gives you their undivided attention when you meet them. Ris and Joe did. They both seem to have the patience and desire to really get to know you. Without trying, they're so disarming that you feel totally comfortable from the get-go. And the feeling seemed to rub off on all of the participants. For the first time in I don't know how long, I left my defense mechanisms behind, and immediately began to get to know the people who would help me grow for the next few days.

The four of us were given the run of the house. The camaraderie last felt when I shared a big old house with college roommates soon swept over me. We all settled in, picked up our bags of vests, water bottles, journals, the schedule, etc. and headed out to the down home comfort of the farmhouse porch, ready to start our first session.

I knew my professional success was inextricably linked to personal growth, but I wasn't thrilled to begin opening myself up to others. I'm sure my comrades felt the same trepidation. But none of us had to break the ice; Joe and Ris did it for us. And when people who exemplify success, confidence, and strength, allow you to be privy to their fears and pain, your own reservations evaporate.

When they started to tell us how they use behaviors today, based on events that occurred in their youths, I immediately felt the impact of such a stunning yet simple concept. My classmate's heads bobbed up and down like dashboard dolls, full of approval and recognition.

Jim, a new friend and corporate manager, realized his interaction between "equals" and subordinates, suffered from his negative self-image. He began to realize his communications with others were not true representations of the man he'd become, rather, adapted behaviors he'd unconsciously worked on all his life. I amazingly watched a light bulb go off that would never extinguish again.

Here was a guy who had to deal with hundreds of corporate riffs, feeling the pain of each circumstance personally, when they weren't even his doing. But, as he began to realize where his feeling came from and why, he gained an acceptance of the duties he was destined to perform. He still felt the pain of relating negative news to friends and co-workers, but he recognized that he needn't punish himself for it.

We all began to see ourselves more clearly, translating our newfound personal knowledge into our individual professional situations. And believe me, it wears you out, lifts a burden you never knew you had, and develops an incredible appetite.

All through the weekend we sat down to savory outdoor meals, only adding to a farm life I had only imagined in books and films. The evenings gave way to bonfires, completely unstructured conversations, and magical moments only possible when watching embers escape toward the stars.

And then there were the horses. After slowly meeting, grooming, and getting to know Ris and Joe's friendly, curious herd, they began to teach us all how much we humans could learn from them.

I have friends and confidants that I ask for and receive validation from. Most of the times they help me, but sometimes I'm not sure they do. I've found out that your best friends in life are not afraid to tell you something you don't want to know, but need to hear. Unfortunately, those kind of friends are hard to find and not always around. But horses...they only tell you what they feel.

Amazingly, in the round pen, Joe worked with us, allowing the horses to function as walking, talking (okay, neighing) biofeedback machines. I'll never forget how they reacted to my feelings, seeing right through all layers I'd spent my life painting on. All of us were dumbfounded and thrilled to feel such impartial validations. We had already learned valuable insights that directly led to improvements in the workplace, and the horses just iced the cake.

Three to four days seemed to pass in minutes. All of us worked together to help ourselves understand why and how we acted out, focusing on individual issues that led to concrete improvements. And along the way, we became friends in one of the most comfortable, relaxing environments imaginable.

As I drove away, the image in the rear view mirror almost looked dreamlike, begging me not to go. But, I had the real world waiting for me on Monday morning. The gourmet meals, bonfires, horses and activities, faded as the dust cloud grew, but my newfound self and ideas stayed with me. I was more ready to start a week than ever before.

I took home a frame of reference I'd never had. It would help me to better fit in with my family and my job. The next time I looked up in the mirror, I saw myself, blemishes and imperfections...and didn't mind at all.

Postscript (Six Months Later): Whether huddled around a conference table, or our dinner table at home, I seemed to acquire a filter from my Power of Choice weekend. When I first hear remarks that I once would have been deemed negative (with an air of dismissal), I now innately filter them through the self-awareness concepts I still heartily retain. I look at my business associates and my family, trying to better pinpoint their needs and views without imposing my fears and lack of belief in myself into the equation. I now have the choice to do that. It's a liberating feeling that I'll always use to help me understand and communicate with my associates, friends, and family.

Having this process ingrained, a part of my sub-conscious, remains the biggest benefit. I react from my true authentic self, not with the adaptive behaviors I'd spent my life building. My story is that of an individual. I don't know why I use what I've learned, the way I do. I just know that my mind seems less cluttered with ambiguities, and I'm a more efficient, confident, professional and person.

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